


the bitterness in this best of child-bearing

by how_are_you



Category: Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, The Iliad - Homer
Genre: Angst, Gen, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Suicidal Thoughts, Thetis is doing her best and i love her, and also patroclus’s dead, uh theres some patrochilles but it’s mostly implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25852714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/how_are_you/pseuds/how_are_you
Summary: Thetis tries to comfort Achilles after Patroclus' death.
Relationships: Achilles & Thetis
Kudos: 2





	the bitterness in this best of child-bearing

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from book eighteen, line 54 of the iliad. the translation is the one used in the essay the power of thetis, and i dont know whose translation it is  
> i was just hit by a wave of love for thetis, so i wrote my first fic in like fifty years

I stand at the entrance to my son’s tent. For one, two seconds I watch him sob, his hair and tunic covered in dust, one hand gripping his stomach, the other digging its nails into the ground. He’s looking at the ground, his matted, dirty hair covering his face. The sounds he makes, sobs, groans, it almost sounds as if he is choking. I walk to him and kneel beside him. I put his head in my lap, the way I used to do when he was upset as a child, and softly comb it with my fingers, trying to get the knots out of his hair.

“Child, tell me, please, what’s wrong? Haven’t I done as you asked? Hasn’t Zeus punished these men who wronged you? Please, do tell me.” I notice I’m crying as well. Ever since he was a child, I haven’t been able to see him upset without feeling the same way

“What use is that to me now?” He laughs, but it’s a bitter, ugly thing. “Patroclus, who I loved above all others, who I loved as dearly as my own life, is dead. Hector has killed him, and he now wears my armour. I sent him to his death, and now I won’t even be able to avenge him.”

“Achilles…”

“You told me the bravest of the myrmidons would die while I still lived. But, fool that I was, I ignored you. The thought of losing him was too horrible to even imagine. I would have rather been told that my father was dead, killed by his despair at his loss of me. Being told that my son lay buried would be nothing next to this. So I pushed the possibility of such a loss out of my mind” Another laugh. “I was so stupid. Had I been with him, maybe I could have saved him. The only joy I will ever have left is being able to avenge him, Mother, please, I beg of you, help me.”

I tense. My hand stops its stroking of his hair. “Child… If you kill Hector, you will doom yourself to a swift fate. You cannot ask me to help you…” I cannot say it

“I truly do not care if I die. I sat here, a useless weight on the earth, while my companion fought and died. I ought to be glad to die quickly if it means killing Hector.” He kneels in front of me, his tear-streaked face close to mine.

“Please, love, stop this. Nothing hurts me more than to hear you say this”

A bitter, tearful smile. He holds me, and his face lays against my neck “I’m sorry for all the pain I cause you, mother. I truly am. I think you would have been happier, if you had never married. If you had remained with our sisters, beneath the waves. But I have to do this. And I don’t have my armour. Please, help me. I know it hurts you. But killing Hector is the closest thing to joy I shall get while I live.”

I hold him even tighter while we both sob. I remember when he was just born, so different from all the gods I had seen. Even Hephaestus had seemed healthier. This baby was perfect, but so, so mortal. Every time I looked at his father, I was filled with resentment. This frailty came from him. I looked at the child, and swore to myself I would protect him. I would make sure he would live a long life. A happy life. I saw him grow strong, and quick, and beautiful. Yet, the years seemed to pass far too quickly. No matter how proud I was, how happy, I was hit by a wave of sadness whenever I saw him. I had started mourning for that child ever since he was born. Still, how I loved him.

I look at him, still so frail. If I wanted to, I could whisk him away from this place. I could save him. But why? I know he would never forgive me. He would hate me. Worse, he would be unhappy. And for what? A few more decades with him. He would die all the same. I must help him do this, no matter how much it hurts. I will not be able to keep him with me, but I can try to make him happy.

“I shall bring you a new set of armour, love. Just wait.“

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is @miss-garbage  
> please feel free to criticize all you want in the comments, english is my second language and i need all the help i can get with writing!


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